was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
