I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
