Your tits are I can't wait for
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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