I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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