forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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