I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
