I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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