i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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