Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
