sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
