i just wanna soil my oats bro
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
