I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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