i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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