I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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