sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
