Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
