so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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