Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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