Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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