my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
