Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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