Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
