it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
