I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
