i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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