honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
