I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
