I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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