I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
