I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
