my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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