hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
