Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh god it's open bar.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
