Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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