I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
