Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
