I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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