My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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