Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
