let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
