oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
