Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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