Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
