We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
