Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
