i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
