is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
