grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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