i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
