Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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