are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
