I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
