I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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