Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
These tits shall not be calmed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
